Losing Focus.... Already

              I am already having a hard time with everything. I feel like because I am taking things slower this time around that I'm not going to see results. I need to remember that this is not just about losing weight, but becoming healthier. This cannot happen if I don't change this for the long run. I know I can't be expected to work out every day at first. Baby steps. I know I can't give up everything all at once. I HAVE TO STAY MOTIVATED. I can't keep putting myself down and I definitely have to keep positive. I have to think about the long run. If I keep putting so much pressure on myself and keep feeling like a failure, I will fail!

“As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The First Day

             The first day of my weight loss adventure went OK. Whenever I start something I always feel like I need to be perfect right away, which I think is why I always give up. I need to have realistic expectations for myself this time around. Today I did Tae Bo for an hour. Billy Blanks sure knows how to kick my butt. I think for my first time working out in a while I did pretty decently. There were a couple exercises I couldn't do, but that's to be expected. I can't wait for tomorrow to workout again.
              As for my meals today, those also went pretty decent. I know I can't completely cut everything out at once or I will once again quit. I didn't have any pop, which I am very proud of and I tracked my points with Weight Watchers.
              I am very excited about my decision to change my life. I need to learn how to take things one step at a time, stay focused and keep my eye on the prize.



“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Old Chinese Proverb

The beginning....

             I have decided to make one of the most important changes of my life. I will become happier and healthier. This is going to be the most difficult thing I will do. I NEED TO DO THIS! I have made the decision to lose weight. Now I have made this decision plenty of times before, so what makes this one different? I can't look in the mirror without feeling disgusted with myself. I can't walk up stairs without feeling winded. My knees are in horrible shape. I can't play with my daughter without feeling like I'm going into cardiac arrest.

              Ahh my daughter. My number one reason. She is my life. I don't know what I would do without her. I don't want her to be without a mom. I need to be healthier for her. I want to see her grow up. I want to take her to her first day of school. I want to fight with her about boys. I want teach her how to drive and freak out when she hits the gas instead of the brake. I want to see her graduate. I want to see her go to college. I want to see her get married. I want to meet my grand-children. So many things I want but may never happen if I don't get healthy.

              I do have another reason for wanting this. I want another baby. I have done my research and know that being over-weight can seriously lower your chance of becoming pregnant and if you do become pregnant there is a greater chance of miscarriage or premature labor. I absolutely will not be able to handle another miscarriage. I blame myself everyday for the first miscarriage. I just know it had to do with my weight. I know these things happen sometimes, but I can't help feel like its my fault.

               So now with the help of all my family and friends I begin this journey. I know I have an awesome support system. This is going to be hard, but I don't have a choice anymore but to do this. No more excuses. No more games. I need to push myself. I need my friends and family to push me. Remember to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I know with the love and support of everyone I can do this! I will do this!